The Real Vegetarian Vampires
by ChocolateBeth
Summary: The Cullens call themselves 'vegetarian vampires' but how will they react when they meet three vampires who really do eat vegetables...


**AUTHOR'S NOTE: OK, this story is incredibly random, I know. But a friend of mine hates all the vampire-mania (I tried hard not to kill her when she said this) and was making fun of Twilight. Somehow, the conversation turned to vegetarian vampires and how, in her opinion, they should only eat vegetables. So I promised to write her a story about 'REAL' vegetarian vampires. **

**Georgia W, this is for you! xx**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own: Forks, San Francisco, Wal-Mart, Toyota, Friends, the White House, Twilight or anything else you recognise. I only own what I made up.**

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><p><strong>The Real Vegetarian Vampires<strong>

**Chapter 1: New Beginnings**

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><p><em>Dear Diary<em>

_I think Penny is going to make us move. Again. I don't understand why she is so secretive about us. I mean, we're harmless. I just don't get it. But I'll go with her and if we have to start all over then I guess we'll just have to start all over. I'll ask Martin tomorrow where she's planning on taking us._

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><p>I sighed heavily. The forest green Toyota slowly pulled out of the driveway and I took a long last look at home. I'd miss everything: the sun, the sand, my friends, and of course, the lettuce. Californian lettuce had something special about it. I'm not sure whether it was the dewy droplets you always found on the leaves, or the mouth-watering greenness it constantly tempted me with. Ugh. I've got to stop thinking about lettuce – my canines are protruding again. I bit down hard on my tongue in order to cast my thoughts away from my reason for being, and tiny beads of blood appeared on either side of my mouth. Tasting the metallic, slimy liquid slip down my throat, I winced, and Penny noticed.<p>

"Melissa, you're thinking of lettuce again, aren't you? You have to learn to control yourself. Like I did."

"I... um... yeah... I s'pose I was. I'm sorry, I'll try harder next time." I saw her roll her eyes in the mirror, and Martin smirked from the passenger seat. I scowled at him and bent my head, intent on memorising the pattern on my skirt.

"It does get easier, Mel, I promise. You just need the years of experience we've had." How many times had Penny told me this before?

"I know, I know..." I mumbled in shame. I felt like the odd one out. Martin and Penny had been together for so many years I think they'd lost count themselves. And Ruby had been my best friend till she'd met Jason and run off with him to his coven. But I don't hate her for it. I would have done the same.

I resigned myself to thinking of all the different vegetables I liked and where I would be able to buy them from in the tiny little town in Washington we were headed to.

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><p>It had been hours and nobody had uttered a single word until Martin yelled, "Hey, there's a sign! Forks, ten miles." Oh yeah, we were going to Forks. It sounded as dull as the weather looked – and the clouds were <em>really <em>giving their ultimate cloudiness.

After several minutes, we reached our new house. Yay. Not. It was on the edge of town, and apparently our only neighbours were within a few minutes running distance. Penny announced with an attempt at cheeriness, "We're here!" I just grunted and hauled myself out of the car, grabbed my suitcase, and trudged up the pathway to the white 'house' and sulked in the porch. Martin bounded up behind me, and was obviously thrilled to be at The House With No Neighbours in The Town That's Never Dry and The State With No Sun.

I was never usually this moody and depressed, but having no friends, sunshine or lettuce can do that to a vampire. Well, I use the term 'vampire' very loosely. We live off vegetables, can't function without them, go crazy at the sight or smell of them – the same way 'real' (fictional) vampires are with blood. But we do live forever, and are virtually indestructible. Ruby accidently turned me last year, so I tagged along with her, Martin and Penny to learn about my new life. But she ditched me with the lovebirds. I'm such a gooseberry. I hate it. I didn't mind it so much in San Francisco because I had friends, sun and _gorgeous_ lettuce. But now all I have is no friends, rain and _mediocre_ lettuce. Not that I've actually tried it yet – gotta go!

I dropped my cases and dashed off to the nearest supermarket. Penny only rolled her eyes once more.

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><p>I found myself in front of a smallish Wal-Mart that was an exact duplicate of the ones I'd seen my whole life. Not that this was in any way surprising – they weren't exactly known for their uniqueness! My mind was racing as I tried to catch the scent of lettuce, but the entire shop was overloaded with a disgusting plastic-y odour so I couldn't detect the delicate lettuce-y aroma. <em>Damn! <em>I thought, _I'll have to actually _search _through the shop! Why is today such a BAD day?_

I trawled through almost _all _the aisles before I spotted the vegetable one, and by then I was ravenous. If it weren't for my hunger, I would have sped straight over with my super-vamp speed, but I was starving, so my energy levels were very low. Once I reached it, I closed my eyes to regulate my breathing and took a step towards my lettuce, ready to inhale the beautiful smell I thrived upon.

But it didn't come.

Bewildered, my eyes snapped open and I saw that each lettuce was individually wrapped in thin layers of plastic. _Damndamndamndamndamn! Why does the world hate me? It's not my fault I'm an eternal lettuce craver! So why taunt me with what I love, and then mercilessly take it away from me?_ Okay, I was being silly, I knew that, but I longed to have the slightly crisp but flimsy leaves in my hands, where I could feel their contours and dewiness. And I wanted to smell the tantalisingly subtle fragrance of the leaves. _I'm being such a spoilt brat about this_, I thought, _but I really don't give one. I want my lettuce!_ Angrily, I snatched several packets from the shelf and stalked to the checkout. Just in front of me was a doddery old lady who took forever to put the items on the conveyor belt. The impatient tapping of my foot earned me several glares: the old woman, the till guy, and the person in the (very short) queue behind me. I scowled at the off-white plastic floor – _WHAT THE HELL? The whole place was full of plastic!_

When Grumpy Old Lady had _finally _packed her stuff away and tottered off with her bags, I loaded my lettuce onto the conveyor belt and yanked out my purse. The till guy (whose badge told me he was called Tyler) gave me a strange look as he scanned the few (okay, seven) lettuces I was about to buy. "Yes, I like lettuce. Get over it," I grumbled under my breath, but the way his ears pricked up (okay, they didn't but they would have done if ears moved) suggested that he had heard me. "That's three-fifty," he said with a monotone, but I couldn't blame him – this wasn't exactly the most exciting job on the planet. I handed him a ten dollar bill wordlessly and went to put my lettuce in a bag, only to find I didn't have one with me. It was probably at the 'house' and I certainly wasn't going to use _more _plastic. Fuming, I scooped them up in my arms and stormed out the shop. But not before I heard Tyler The Till Man say "Chick's got a problem!" This didn't increase my mood in the slightest.

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><p>Sitting on a wooden bench in Forks – or Boringville – I scoffed my lettuce wolfishly, but it wasn't until I got halfway through my third that I realised I should probably savour it. My eating slowed down a little and I finished lettuce numéro trois a while later. Feeling slightly greedy, I stopped and decided to go back to the little neighbourless house I was going to have to call home. My thoughts drifted to Penny and Martin and I wondered if they knew I'd gone for food, and if they'd be worrying about me, or if they (Penny) would yell at me for running off.<p>

I like Penny, I do, it's just she can be a very uptight and controlling and I-make-the-law-so-you-have-to-obey-me kind of person. But she's nice and she's been good to me. But the only reason I hang round with them is Martin. He's chilled out and easy going – Penny's opposite – and has a pretty funny sense of humour. But I don't like him in that way – God no! Him and Penny suit each other and I'd never get in the way of that even if I did 'fall in love' with him. Like that's gonna happen! He's just a good friend. And waaay too old for me anyway. Okay, he's nine years older, but I think with me being sixteen (and watching Ross Geller's relationship with Elizabeth in Friends) it's too old. I'm making a huge deal out of something small and making it seem like I like him but I don't, I swear.

By the time I finished my rant, I was almost at the white house. Well, the house I was going to live in that was white, not _the _White House – I think President Obama might have a shock if I turned up there! My suitcase was no longer on the porch, so I could only guess that Penny or Martin had moved it inside.

The green front door was a bit battered and the paint was peeling off it. I wrinkled my nose and gingerly reached for the door handle, wondering what Penny would make of the imperfections of the place she had subjected us to. Well, she hadn't exactly raved about it – she'd barely said _anything_ about it – but I bet she'd be disappointed.

"Mel! Is that you?" I heard Penny call from upstairs.

"Yeah," I replied, heading up the creaky staircase to meet her. She was grinning at me. As if she actually _liked_ this place! "So...?" she asked expectantly.

"So..." I returned, not quite sure what to say. She just rolled her eyes at me – good-naturedly, though.

"What do you think?" I'd not seen her this excited in a long time.

"It's...nice..." God, I suck at lying. She grabbed my hands and said "You love it eventually, Mel, I know you will."

"I'm sure I will," I tried to reassure her. She seemed to buy it, so all was fine in the world. Except for this _stupid_ house in this _stupid_ town.

"I've enrolled you at Forks High School – you'll start on Monday," Penny told me matter of factly.

"WHAT? I don't _want_ to go to school!" I moaned, "I've got forever to do that, right?"

"Well, if you graduate this year, then you won't have to go to school again. I promise." I just scowled at the wooden floorboards.

"Mel?" I was supposed to answer this, wasn't I?

"Fine. But I will never, _ever _go back to school again, even to make us 'fit in with society', okay? I'll just pretend I'm eighteen and I've graduated and I'm not going to college, alright?" That was my deal – she could take it or leave it, as either way, I've only got one year of school left. Whoo!

"Alright then, Mel, this will be your last year of school," she said in a patronising way, as if I was a small toddler who'd just thrown a tantrum. Which, if I'm truly honest, I kinda was.

"Kay, thanks. I'm going to my room now," I mumbled, ever the stereotypical teenager.

"See you in a bit then, Mel," Penny chirped. "But you are _so_ going to college," she muttered under her breath. I heard her, but couldn't be bothered to make a big deal out of it. So I just muttered in an even lower voice, "Nuh-uh."

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading and I'll try to update soon (if you want me to) as I am now ON HOLIDAY! Please review as I want to know if you want me to continue this!**

**Love, ChocolateBeth xx**

**PS: Please check out ChocolateMooCow – it's a shared account between me and my best friend Animaddie (check out her stories too!)**


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